Drat this working for a living all to heck.

I did leave the confines of the house this morning to hand water some plants in pots. Some did not make it from the last watering, which was about 36 hours previously.

I am taking a tiny morsel (2.5 mg) of melatonin to get my sleep pattern turned around from going to bed at 4:00 am and getting up at noon. My circle is full of early morning whackos, so. I am still having trouble actually admitting the day is over, but I am waking at argh o'clock and feeling rested and alert. I often fall back asleep because morning sleep is the best sleep, but today I was ready to go out there and splash water around.

I splashed water around to the chorus of sadly neglected and unloved cats. They can follow me from window to window, expressing their discontent. [1]

I think changing my sleep would be easier if I didn't *like* being awake in the night so much, especially in the summer. There is a moment around 11:00 pm where the world goes so still. I think it is because by then everyone has tucked themselves up, and are reading or dozing, and haven't started the work of dreaming.

A little bit later there are crowds of frogs in the gully. A little later the coyotes yip and carry on as they hunt in the gully. A little later some night birds start up. And before you know it, it is getting light. (This is about 3:30 am right now.) It's lovely, it's safe, it's cool and the air is soft - what's not to like?

Well, the morning is now available to me. I just need to accept that I, too, need to be tucked up by 11:00 pm. Bah to that part, I say.

Oh. I haven't been using the CPAP for a little over a month. My sleep is sooooo much better when I am not wrestling with torture devices.

[1] - as I type this, Suzi is expressing her objection to everything by shredding a cardboard box that keeps all the paper tidbits from the new vaccuum cleaner. She is not fooling - she means to destroy it utterly.

... you gotta be kidding me.

As sticky as before, and as swaddled and restricted by wires as before, but add into the mix a CPAP machine where someone turns up the pressure as you sleep, and I seriously do not believe this can help anything.

I kept waking up because the air was farting out of the mask around my chin. Yes, the straps can be snugged tighter, but only if I want a merciless headache.

Anyhoo. I get to try one for 30 days, so maybe if the only new thing is the CPAP in my routine, it might do something useful. My suspision is: hah.

You know what drives me mad: I never once mentioned that I have trouble sleeping. Once asleep, I don't have trouble sleeping. I have trouble going to bed (not the falling asleep part; the actual committing to ending the day part). What I complained about was some extra water retention. Which led to the scare about the lung nodule, and a scare about reduced lung capacity, and the scares about a few other things for which I have been scanned and pummeled and viewed sternly.

I would like all the medical guessers to piss off for a while, please.