Tea and fire.
Mar. 17th, 2018 06:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agoodwinsmithSo. There was a close call today. Mom & Dad and I went to the smaller local mall to see the local mini dog show. Just people with dogs that occasionally have puppies showing off the adults to entice future puppy getters. Really cute dogs. We all enjoyed it very much. One of Dad's cousins[1] is thinking of getting a pupper.
Then Mom & I left Dad at home while we went on to Fanny's Fabrics for a jolly good hour of buy-all-the-fabric. We left Dad putting on the kettle for tea. After fondling the fabric, we stopped at Save-On-Foods for Mom to pick up some groceries. While Mom was in the store, I phoned M+D's house to let Dad know we were coming home for lunch, but got no answer. And then we went home (to Mom & Dad's house).
We were gone about an hour and a half - and the kettle had burned dry, and the wooden knob on the top of the lid was half charred (the knob continued to smolder outside and completely burned away). Dad was upstairs on his computer. He had probably forgotten the kettle by the time he left the kitchen. He never heard the phone (there's one upstairs). He never heard Mom and I come home and open and close doors, and talk excitedly. We thought at first he was out, but I noticed that both his boots were still by the door, and Dad didn't hear me until I had climbed up the stairs and called him.
At first, it was quite worrying for obvious reasons, but also because Dad didn't seem to understand how dangerous - he didn't appear to be frightened. But I think, after talking it over with Lorne, that this may be similar to his cancer diagnosis - he knows what it is and he understands how dangerous, but he doesn't have the language any more to demonstrate that he understands.
However, regardless of what he understands, it is completely true that his short-term memory doesn't work any more, and so he won't remember this event or that Mom has now forbidden him to use the kettle while he is alone.
I think the short-term answer is to get the tea made before we go out, and then Dad would take a cup upstairs and be happy falling asleep in front of his computer. Sometimes I think Mom thinks that if Dad just *tried a little harder* he could overcome his memory and attention issues. It makes sense, really, because Mom wants Dad back, and regardless of what her intellect knows about Dad's situation, her emotions want that fine young man she met at a country dance in 1952.
[1] - actually, her parents and Dad were cousins, but she and her husband are about the same age as my parents. I find this so weird. I have never in my life lived close to extended family, and now I am awash in extended tenuous relations (children of my grandmother's sister's children and, children of my father's grandparents sibling's children). I don't know how to behave.
Then Mom & I left Dad at home while we went on to Fanny's Fabrics for a jolly good hour of buy-all-the-fabric. We left Dad putting on the kettle for tea. After fondling the fabric, we stopped at Save-On-Foods for Mom to pick up some groceries. While Mom was in the store, I phoned M+D's house to let Dad know we were coming home for lunch, but got no answer. And then we went home (to Mom & Dad's house).
We were gone about an hour and a half - and the kettle had burned dry, and the wooden knob on the top of the lid was half charred (the knob continued to smolder outside and completely burned away). Dad was upstairs on his computer. He had probably forgotten the kettle by the time he left the kitchen. He never heard the phone (there's one upstairs). He never heard Mom and I come home and open and close doors, and talk excitedly. We thought at first he was out, but I noticed that both his boots were still by the door, and Dad didn't hear me until I had climbed up the stairs and called him.
At first, it was quite worrying for obvious reasons, but also because Dad didn't seem to understand how dangerous - he didn't appear to be frightened. But I think, after talking it over with Lorne, that this may be similar to his cancer diagnosis - he knows what it is and he understands how dangerous, but he doesn't have the language any more to demonstrate that he understands.
However, regardless of what he understands, it is completely true that his short-term memory doesn't work any more, and so he won't remember this event or that Mom has now forbidden him to use the kettle while he is alone.
I think the short-term answer is to get the tea made before we go out, and then Dad would take a cup upstairs and be happy falling asleep in front of his computer. Sometimes I think Mom thinks that if Dad just *tried a little harder* he could overcome his memory and attention issues. It makes sense, really, because Mom wants Dad back, and regardless of what her intellect knows about Dad's situation, her emotions want that fine young man she met at a country dance in 1952.
[1] - actually, her parents and Dad were cousins, but she and her husband are about the same age as my parents. I find this so weird. I have never in my life lived close to extended family, and now I am awash in extended tenuous relations (children of my grandmother's sister's children and, children of my father's grandparents sibling's children). I don't know how to behave.
no subject
Date: 2018-03-18 03:17 am (UTC)- Get a durable power of attorney signed that allows you (or whomever is going to be responsible) to make decisions when it becomes necessary. It is very possible to have this document state that you don't get control until 3 people (such as Dr, friend, pastor ect), who are designated by your parents, agree that your parents are no longer competent to make decisions for themselves.
- Start NOW to look at care homes. Good ones will have a waiting list. Some lists are years long. Go inspect the care homes, choose one or more and get on the list.
- Make sure there is a will or trust set up and signed for both of your parents.
- Find a support group for family members dealing with elderly parents.
I speak from painful experience with several elderly sets of parents. These steps will save you untold angst and drama.
I'm speaking from painful experience with several sets of elderly folks.
no subject
Date: 2018-03-18 08:29 am (UTC)I now live in a very small town where everybody knows everybody and my parents have lived here for nearly 30 years. It would be a betrayal, and I have my outlet here. This is not sad - I am not a joiny person, and I like to write.
no subject
Date: 2018-03-18 08:35 am (UTC)