![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I'm developing a few temporary "little habits" to get me through the process.
I don't believe in the continuation of the personality after death, and oh boy, do I wish I did. I was having trouble letting go of his clothing to send it to the thrift store, and I finally decided to go ahead and keep a set of clothing, "just in case". I mean: I can see his box of ashes from here, but if he comes back, I don't want him to have to sit around naked. I'm lucky he wasn't very materialistic, so if I throw out his favourite sweater, he wouldn't care, so that's not an issue - but the idea of not being ready if he showed up is a problem. What if - what if? And a drawer with a pair of jeans and a Tshirt in it isn't hurting anybody - not even me. Okay, yes, it's got slippers and socks and ginch and a sweater, too, but hey.
I've wondered if he'd like to watch to Women's FIFA - so I've taped it and played it when he would have normally watched it. On the one hand, it's nice to have that room's light on, or that end of the house is creepily dark, and it is nice that it sounds like it sounded, with the whistles and the crowd noises - but there are never any outbursts against lousy reffing, so it is ultimately dissatisfying. But now that I've started, I'll continue. Crazy stuff has to be self-consistent. Fortunately this one is self-limiting.
It's actually harder to get rid of his brother's things. His brother died two (3?) years ago, and Lorne kept a number of his things - and I don't want them, but who will? No one. It feels like a betrayal to discard those things.
So, now I am thinking of all my things (some of which are, of course, "our" things), and realizing that no one is going to want any of that. Even the sentimental things (Grama's tiger figurine) that people think they want, they won't want enough to travel 800 miles to get.
The only thing that hasn't lessened is that I really want to talk to him and hear what he thinks about a number of things.
I don't believe in the continuation of the personality after death, and oh boy, do I wish I did. I was having trouble letting go of his clothing to send it to the thrift store, and I finally decided to go ahead and keep a set of clothing, "just in case". I mean: I can see his box of ashes from here, but if he comes back, I don't want him to have to sit around naked. I'm lucky he wasn't very materialistic, so if I throw out his favourite sweater, he wouldn't care, so that's not an issue - but the idea of not being ready if he showed up is a problem. What if - what if? And a drawer with a pair of jeans and a Tshirt in it isn't hurting anybody - not even me. Okay, yes, it's got slippers and socks and ginch and a sweater, too, but hey.
I've wondered if he'd like to watch to Women's FIFA - so I've taped it and played it when he would have normally watched it. On the one hand, it's nice to have that room's light on, or that end of the house is creepily dark, and it is nice that it sounds like it sounded, with the whistles and the crowd noises - but there are never any outbursts against lousy reffing, so it is ultimately dissatisfying. But now that I've started, I'll continue. Crazy stuff has to be self-consistent. Fortunately this one is self-limiting.
It's actually harder to get rid of his brother's things. His brother died two (3?) years ago, and Lorne kept a number of his things - and I don't want them, but who will? No one. It feels like a betrayal to discard those things.
So, now I am thinking of all my things (some of which are, of course, "our" things), and realizing that no one is going to want any of that. Even the sentimental things (Grama's tiger figurine) that people think they want, they won't want enough to travel 800 miles to get.
The only thing that hasn't lessened is that I really want to talk to him and hear what he thinks about a number of things.
